Gambling and Family: How to Talk About It and Where to Get Help

Gambling and Family: How to Talk About It and Where to Get Help

Problem gambling affects the whole family, not just the gambler. Partners, children, parents, and other family members all experience the impact. Support is available for affected families.

This guide covers how to talk about gambling problems with family members, where to find support, and how to take care of yourself while supporting someone with a gambling problem.

How gambling affects families

Financial impact

• Family savings depleted
• Debt accumulated in family name
• Difficulty paying bills
• Loss of home (in severe cases)
• Damaged credit affecting the whole family

Relational impact

• Trust issues
• Arguments and conflict
• Emotional distance
• Breakdown of relationships

Emotional impact

• Anxiety and stress
• Depression
• Shame and embarrassment
• Feelings of betrayal
• Helplessness

Practical impact

• Time spent managing financial crisis
• Time spent caring for affected family member
• Time spent hiding the problem from others

Impact on children

Children in families with problem gambling are particularly vulnerable:

• Emotional neglect
• Financial insecurity
• Witnessing parental conflict
• Risk of developing gambling problems themselves
• Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs)

How to talk to a family member about gambling

Choose the right time

• Choose a calm, private moment
• Avoid bringing it up during or after a gambling session
• Choose a time when neither of you is rushed

Express concern without accusation

• Use "I" statements ("I'm worried about..." rather than "You always...")
• Express specific concerns ("I noticed the credit card bill...")
• Avoid blaming or judging

Listen actively

• Let them explain their experience
• Don't interrupt
• Try to understand their perspective

Offer support

• Offer specific help ("I'll drive you to a GamCare appointment")
• Don't offer financial help that enables gambling
• Be patient with the recovery process

Set boundaries

• Be clear about what you will and won't do
• "I won't lend you money for gambling"
• "I won't lie to family members to cover for you"

Know when to escalate

• If they express suicidal thoughts, take it seriously
• If they threaten self-harm, take action
• If there's domestic violence, contact police

How to talk to children about gambling

Age-appropriate conversations

#### Young children (5-10)

• "Gambling is something adults do for fun, but it can cause problems"
• "Daddy/Mummy is having some troubles and we're getting help"

#### Older children (10-15)

• More detailed explanation of gambling risks
• Age-appropriate information about addiction
• Reassurance that it's not their fault

#### Teenagers (15+)

• Honest conversation about gambling
• Discussion of family history of gambling
• Information about help available

Reassure children

• It's not their fault
• The problem is the gambling, not them
• Adults are working to fix it
• They're loved and supported

Watch for signs in children

• Anxiety or withdrawal
• Behavioural changes
• School problems
• Taking on adult responsibilities

If you notice these signs, consider seeking support for the children through CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) or school counselling.

Where to find support for affected families

GamCare (support for affected others)

GamCare recognises that gambling affects families, not just gamblers:

• Free counselling for affected family members
• Online forums
• Live chat support
• Information and resources

Website: gamcare.org.uk

National Gambling Helpline

Free 24/7 phone support:

• 0808 8020 133

The helpline is for anyone affected by gambling, including family members.

GamAnon

Gamblers Anonymous has a companion organisation for affected family members:

• In-person meetings
• Online meetings
• Peer support
• 12-step programme

GamAnon meetings provide peer support from people in similar situations.

Website: gam-anon.org

Relationship counselling

Relationship counselling can help couples affected by gambling:

• Relate: relate.org.uk
• Tavistock Relationships: tavistockrelationships.org
• Marriage Care: marriagecare.org.uk

These services offer relationship counselling specifically for gambling-affected couples.

Domestic violence support

In cases of gambling-related domestic violence:

• National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247
• Men's Advice Line: 0808 801 0327
• Refuge: refuge.org.uk
• Women's Aid: womensaid.org.uk

Domestic violence is never acceptable. If you're in danger, contact police (999) or the helpline.

Mental health support

Family members often experience mental health impacts:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Stress

Support is available:

• GP referral to IAPT (NHS talking therapies)
• Mind: mind.org.uk
• Samaritans: 116 123

Taking care of yourself

If you're supporting a family member with a gambling problem, taking care of yourself is essential:

Set boundaries

• Decide what you will and won't do
• Be consistent with boundaries
• Don't sacrifice your own wellbeing

Get support

• Talk to friends or family
• Join GamAnon
• Seek counselling
• Use support services

Maintain your own activities

• Keep up with your hobbies
• Stay connected with friends
• Exercise and stay healthy

Don't enable the gambling

Don't:

• Lend money for gambling
• Pay off gambling debts without addressing the underlying problem
• Lie to cover for the gambler
• Make excuses for their behaviour

Enabling the gambling prolongs the problem. Boundaries are essential.

Don't take responsibility

• The gambler is responsible for their gambling
• You're not responsible for fixing them
• You can offer support but they must choose to change

This is hard to remember in the moment, but it's important.

How to handle specific situations

Finding out about hidden gambling

If you've discovered hidden gambling:

• Take time to process your emotions before responding
• Don't confront in anger
• Have an honest conversation when calm
• Consider seeking couples counselling

Managing joint finances

If you share finances with the gambler:

• Consider separating finances
• Keep your own bank account
• Monitor joint accounts for gambling transactions
• Set up bank gambling blocks

Deciding whether to stay

In some relationships, the gambling damage is too severe to repair:

• You're not obligated to stay
• Leaving is sometimes the right choice
• Take care of yourself and any children
• Seek support through the decision

This is a personal decision. There's no right answer. Get support to think it through.

Recovery for families

Recovery is possible for the whole family, not just the gambler:

Rebuilding trust

• The gambler must demonstrate sustained change
• Trust rebuilds slowly through consistent behaviour
• Couples therapy can help
• Time is the key factor

Rebuilding finances

• Work with debt advice (StepChange, National Debtline)
• Rebuild savings gradually
• Improve financial literacy
• Create a budget together

Rebuilding relationships

• Family therapy
• Open communication
• Quality time together
• Patience and understanding

Protecting children

• Reassure them it's not their fault
• Maintain routines and stability
• Get support for them if needed
• Model healthy behaviour

Help (UK)

If gambling is affecting your family, free confidential help is available:

• National Gambling Helpline: 0808 8020 133 (free, 24/7)
• GamCare: gamcare.org.uk (support for affected others)
• GamAnon: gam-anon.org (peer support for family members)
• Relate: relate.org.uk (relationship counselling)
• Samaritans: 116 123 (for anyone in distress)
• National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 (if gambling is causing abuse)

You don't have to face this alone. Help is available for the whole family.